You are the best parent you can be if you are doing your best with the knowledge, strategies and experience you have right now!
That’s all anyone can ever ask of you. Do the best with what you have.
If you want more knowledge and more strategies then here are three secrets that will help:
- Love Shady
- Trust Sparky and
- Let go.
Love Shady – All parents make mistakes. All parents get angry and lose their temper at their kids. All parents are overprotective at times and all parents contribute to their kids ‘baggage’ without even realising it! We do all this because we are human. Human beings have fear. We are scared our kids will get hurt. We are scared our kids will grow up with issues. We are scared our kids are not doing as well as they could. We are scared our kids will do something they will regret.
The best way to manage our fear is to love it! When you love Shady (the scared part of you), you accept yourself, forgive yourself and love your whole self!
It is easy to say sorry, to admit you were wrong and to learn from your mistakes when you love the part of you that stuffs up!
AND when you learn to love your own Shady it makes it possible to love other people’s Shady’s too, starting with your very own kids!
Trust Sparky – Everyone has an inner loving force, guide or power that intuits the best solution to every situation right then and there. All we have to do is learn to hear it, trust it and DO what it tells us to do.
Sparky gives better parenting advice than anyone I know! He or she has the best solution for every problem. All we have to do is be calm enough, centred enough and mindful enough to hear it and then be courageous enough to act!
Let go – This one is confronting! If you have ‘baggage’ (or issues or repressed feelings and thoughts) stored inside you about stuff in your past, your kids trigger it ALL the time! By trigger, I mean they make you aware of it; they do and say things that make you feel bad. Lovely little angels that they are! Kids don’t necessarily do this on purpose – they just do it! When you are excessively angry, worried or sad as a result of your kid’s behaviour or other people’s behaviour towards your kids, it is time to ask yourself, “What am I thinking?” Listen to everything Shady is saying about the situation and get your feelings out too! Then ask Sparky, “What now?” Sparky will tell you if it is your problem or someone else’s and what to do about it. If it is your problem – let it go! That way your kid wont trigger you anymore and they are unlikely to inherit your baggage!
I’ll give you an example:
Let’s say your kid has atrocious table manners. Maybe they chew with their mouth open, use their fingers, put their elbows on the table, or whatever.
- Love Shady – However you have handled it in the past, accept that you were doing the best you could at the time and acknowledge that you may stuff up again but that is okay – you are human and will learn!
- Trust Sparky – Instead of reacting on autopilot (without consciously choosing your action) ask Sparky what to say or do about your child’s terrible manners each time you witness them.
- Let go – If you are finding it impossible to hear Sparky or to do what Sparky says, (which may be something as simple as saying, ‘Lips together’ in a loving voice) leave the table, go somewhere on your own and let go of your baggage about having to have perfect table manners. You might need to go sit in the car and yell, swear and scream at the memory of your parents being strict on you! When you get it all out, come back and see if you are still triggered by your kid’s behaviours! Chances are very, very high that you won’t be and chances are also high that those behaviours will soon disappear!
Have fun with those gorgeous kids!