How to forgive

Last Sunday was wet all day! The vibe in our house was very low so I kept hassling both boys in my family to take a Pit Stop. (Have you heard the saying, ‘The advice you give to others is usually advice for yourself!’) Needless to say none of us took a Pit Stop. Later that afternoon I went to the loo for a poo and was shocked to see blood in the toilet bowl (no, it wasn’t my time of the month).

I immediately stopped myself and thought about what I had been thinking that day, or more specifically what Shady had been thinking over and over during the day…

“Why do I always have to take the Pit Stops to hold everyone together? Why can’t the boys take a Pit Stop? Why do I have to cover for them? I’m sick of Jeremy being stressed and always too busy to do anything other than work. I wish I could focus on my work and not have to shop, clean, cook, wash, take care of the pup, look after the boys and all those other very annoying and thankless jobs at home that seem to be automatically delegated to me because I don’t have a ‘real’ job! (If you’ve been the ‘homemaker’ I’m sure you can relate to some of this.) Anyway…

Due to the seriousness of my physical state I knew I had to take a Pit Stop right then and there, so I shut the doors and screamed all the above and more into a pillow and followed it up with a healthy cry! When I asked Shady, “Anything else?” she said she was super worried about the upcoming January workshops because I basically haven’t done a bloody thing in terms of marketing! – Ah ha!

Do you do that too? When you are really upset at yourself do you go and find fault with everyone else? I was blaming everyone else for the fact that I hadn’t done my work yet because I CHOOSE to do all the jobs around the house before I did my own work.

When I finished my Pit Stop I asked Sparky, “What now?” and she said, “Ask for help!”

I came out and asked my gorgeous son if I could use a photo of him for my flyer and he said, “Yeah, sure mum!” Then I asked my lovely husband to help me Photoshop it and he said, “Sure hon!”

The next day I woke up and poohed a bit of blood again. I checked the internet for the metaphysical cause of blood in the faeces (as in what thoughts and emotions in me were the real cause of my problem) and found that all possibilities – haemorrhoids, a fission (cut) in my rectum, bowel cancer or something else completely random, were basically caused by the same thing – anger, resentment and having the ‘bloody shits’. See http://www.pdfofbooks.com/2012/04/you-can-heal-your-life-louise-hay.html

So I asked Sparky, “What now?” and she replied, “Make an appointment at the Dr and forgive everyone you are angry, resentful and shitty at.”

When the boys went off to work and school I sat down and wrote down everything I was angry and resentful at Jeremy and Jack for. Then I had another bloody cry and felt like I was ready and happy to forgive them for being human! I do totally adore them both so it didn’t take me long to admit that I was being a bit of a ‘princess’. (I do have a dreamy life – but nevertheless no matter how good my life or your life is Shady will ALWAYS find something to complain about!)

Then I went to the Dr (I thought about cancelling but Sparky said, “Go!”) and while I was waiting I wrote a list of everyone in my life I was angry or resentful at and why! I had to wait an hour so I had six pages by the end of it, which covered eight people and a list of everything I was angry with them for. Then I wrote next to each item, “I forgive you for…” It was a heavenly thing to do because I could literally feel myself forgiving them and sending them love.

‘Arsey’ timing but when I’d finished the last person and couldn’t think of anyone else the Dr called me in! I don’t need to go into the gory details of what the Dr did to my bum, but put it this way – I apologised for putting her through it!

In the car on the way home, with a tube of ‘Anusol’ in my handbag (for haemorrhoids – fear of deadlines (ah -ha!) Sparky goes, “There is one more person to forgive.” “Who?” I asked. I couldn’t think of anyone else I was remotely cranky at.

“You need to forgive yourself!” said Sparky.

“Oh!”

I may have procrastinated a little by happily cleaning the house and then by writing this, but I’m going with my coloured pencils and diary right now to write down all the reasons I’m angry at myself (or Shady) so I can forgive myself!

See you when my bum hole is better! (Sorry if you don’t appreciate the humour – butt I just couldn’t help myself!)

Love Kathy

Ps I’m all better now – just in case you were worried about me!

 

 

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