A 9 year old girl curled up on her bed at 8am saying she doesn’t want to go to school today.
Solution – Take your beautiful child through a Shady short cut…
Shady short cut
This is assuming you have time. If you don’t have time and you can’t get more time seriously consider taking the morning off. (Tell work that your kid needs you!)
Hold up your tall finger (yep that gesture), touch it and ask your kid to ask their Shady, “What’s wrong?” Get them to tell you everything they are thinking out loud.
Listen to what your child says. Everything is acceptable in my book. When venting worries they probably won’t need to swear and yell but you never know! If you have rules about swearing that your child must normally adhere to, consider letting them slide for this strategy – your kid really just needs to get it all out without censoring! You want them to know that even the worst, darkest and most horrible part of them is welcome from time to time, after all, it is an important part of them. If you don’t accept their Shady, how are they supposed to? Of course that doesn’t mean they can take it out on you, the ‘Feeling rules’ are:
* Don’t hurt yourself
* Don’t hurt others (with your words or actions)
* Don’t wreck stuff that isn’t supposed to get wrecked.
If they stop talking ask, “What else?” If they keep going over the same point say, “Yes, I heard that one, anything else?”
Let your child get their feelings out too (it will most likely happen naturally). If they express their feelings freely and get them out of their body when they first experience them, they won’t have the dramas that come later with bottled up feelings (anger outbursts, sickness, worry, baggage).
Encourage your kid to keep going until they have all their shady thoughts and feelings out.
When they are done (or say they are done) move onto the Sparky short cut…
Sparky short cut
Hold your little finger up, touch it and get your kid to ask Sparky, “What now?” Which means, “What do I do now Sparky?”
Get them to tell you what Sparky suggested. If it is loving and good for everyone in the long run then encourage your child to think, say or do it.
If it is Shady’s advice, they may need more time to get their thoughts and feelings out. If they do, tell them to keep going. When they say they are done, get them to ask Sparky, “What now?” again. Get them to tell you what it is and encourage them to think, say or do it.
These short cuts are a lot like taking a Pit Stop. The main difference is that a Shady short cut will PREVENT your child getting baggage. In other words if your kid gets into the habit of getting their shady thoughts and feelings out at the time they feel them, they will not be thinking them over and over in their head (which turns them into beliefs in their subconscious) and bottling up the feelings that go with them.
Logical really when you think about it – talk about it, feel about it, get some loving advice and move on!