How to love Shady







Shady is the part of our personality, feelings and thoughts that is scared.

Shady is scared that we are not safe, not loved, not important and that we don’t have a purpose. Shady is also scared that we are not worthy of these things.

To imagine this part of you, picture yourself driving a car and see Shady in the back. Shady is your ‘back seat driver’ who talks to you non-stop about all the things he or she is worried, angry or sad about. He or she is pretty intense!!

You are the driver. You are not Shady. Shady is just a part of you – the scared part of you. You get to decide if you listen to Shady. You get to decide if you believe Shady and you get to decide if you do what Shady tells you to.

Many people hate this part of themselves, they see it as ‘weak’, ‘negative’, ‘limiting’ and ‘annoying’. These people do not love them selves unconditionally because they don’t love the scared part of them.

One of the biggest secrets in life is to, ‘LOVE Shady!’

When we learn to love the worst, weakest and most annoying part of ourselves we end up loving our whole selves, which is pretty damn liberating!

So how exactly do you ‘love Shady’?

  1. Firstly make the image of Shady in your imagination something or someone you love! (My Shady is me as a nine-year-old girl.)
  1. Secondly appreciate Shady for the gifts he or she brings you, which include:

Safety – Shady is the one who says, “Don’t jump off the cliff!”

Choice – If you didn’t have Shady you wouldn’t have choice, you’d only have love.

Excitement – Face it, life would be boring if everyone was always loving! Plus you wouldn’t appreciate it because you would have nothing to compare it to!

Purpose – No one would need a purpose if everyone was blissing out all the time!

Motivation – Fear can be very motivating. It can make you act to avoid living a life you are unhappy with.

  1. Thirdly treat Shady how you would like to be treated – with respect! That means listening to Shady when he or she is worried, angry or scared about something. That doesn’t mean you have to listen over and over to the same things, but at least once. Just like you would listen to your child when they were worried, angry or sad. During this part of loving Shady it helps enormously if you express the feelings that went with those thoughts. That means you need to scream and cry (into a pillow or towel to muffle the noise if you are in a public place) to release the emotion that was connected to the fearful thought. Shady is technically both your fearful thoughts and feelings, so respect that both the thoughts and feelings need to come out. Then once you’ve heard all Shady’s worries and expressed all Shady’s painful feelings, you simply say, “Thanks Shady, let’s get some advice from Sparky now.”
  1. Fourth and finally DON’T trust Shady! You can’t. Shady can’t see the whole picture or the whole road ahead. Shady can only see fear. You can love Shady with all your heart, but don’t trust Shady. If Shady is right (like when he or she tells you not to jump off a cliff), Sparky will agree! You can trust Sparky but don’t trust Shady!

That’s it! Happy falling in love with your Shady!

Love Kathy

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