How to move forward

Swing leapI know someone who is stuck.

They are stuck because they refuse to cry.

I believe it could be possible to let go of baggage without crying, but this person isn’t doing anything to let their bottled up feelings out and as a result they in a constant state of emotional turmoil, suffering and negativity (they are on the low road in life!)

I love this person, and I need to take my own advice and let go of my baggage (the expectation that they have to let go of theirs), but while I’m passionate about it I’ll write this post and see if it is helpful. (You never know they might just read this!)

Someone once said to me, “There is no standing still in life. You are either moving forward or backwards!”

To move forward we have to be willing to face our fearful beliefs and let go of our bottled up feelings over things that have happened to us in the past. We know when these come up in our life because we feel bad! We feel angry, sad, resentful, jealous, scared etc.

When we feel bad for days or weeks at a time, it’s a signal that we are stuck. (Yes, some people are stuck for months and years.)

The easiest way to get unstuck is to take a Pit Stop. I know I’ve raved on about Pit Stops before and posted links to them, but they are IMPORTANT so here is another explanation (especially for grown ups):

  1. Stop (make a stop sign with your hand) – Take the day or afternoon off to have some time to your self (ideally get the whole house to yourself). Sit somewhere where you won’t get interrupted for an hour or two. Your bedroom is a great spot.
  2. Feelings (touch your thumb)Take time to pinpoint exactly what you are feeling. Sit and ask yourself, “What am I feeling?” Are you angry? Sad? Scared? Resentful? Envious? Something else?
  3. Body (touch your pointer finger)Where is your body sick, hurt or aching? We hold our fearful beliefs (baggage) and bottled up feelings in our physical body somewhere. So just notice, you don’t have to do anything about it right now other than notice.
  4. Shady (touch your tall finger – yep that one!)Ask Shady, the part of you that is ultimately responsible for your predicament, “What’s wrong?” Then let your Shady go for it! Don’t sensor or hold back anything your fearful side is saying, thinking or believing. If it is coming out – then let it come out! That’s the whole point – it’s like toxic waste inside you, get it out of you! Keep going either by verbalising everything you are angry, sad or scared about or write it all down. This will take you anywhere between 20 minutes to an hour or maybe more, depending on how long you have been holding it all in. It’s totally okay if random things pop up, just let it flow out of you without judging it. Alternatively if you have someone you trust who knows this stuff, tell it all to them and they can write it all down for you. Their job is simply to listen, they are allowed to say, “What else?” but that’s it!

[I just have to mention that some people are fearful that if they actually say everything they are angry, sad or scared about out loud, it will make it worse, as though the power of voicing it all will somehow make it all come true. Well there is some truth in that except the power isn’t in voicing it; the power is in believing it (holding it in your subconscious) – which incidentally is exactly what you are doing when you refuse to let it out! The fearful beliefs we hold inside us, (strengthened by our bottled up emotions) DO make what we fear most come true! That’s why we have to let them go!]

While you are venting your Shady beliefs your feelings are probably going to start coming out naturally! Depending on your temperament you might find yourself yelling, swearing, bashing a pillow, or curling up like a baby and crying! Yippee! That’s the whole point!

You have to let your feelings out too otherwise the beliefs will come back. It’s as though they are connected. They became connected when you first thought the Shady thoughts and then held onto the hurt feelings that went with those thoughts. For example, “I’m hopeless, I can’t do anything right” goes with a deep fear that you are worthless. If you don’t express that fear at the time of the thought, the fear gets stored inside you.

Letting the thoughts out is a good start (my friend got this far) but if you don’t CRY (which is the best way to let out all your fearful feelings) the thought comes back ‘home’ into your body.

When you let the bottled up emotions and the thoughts go together, you release the belief from your subconscious – it is ‘homeless’!

  1. Sparky (touch your ring finger) – You legend! If you got this far you are an absolute legend! I reckon crying at our age about what Shady calls ‘silly little things’ is about THE bravest thing we can do! Seriously – it takes guts (especially for men!) Now you are up to asking Sparky (the wisest part of you) what to do about those fearful beliefs and feelings you just got out of your subconscious. So you ask, “What now?” Your Sparky will give you an answer in your mind or imagination; you might see, hear, feel or know what to do. Chances are high that Sparky will tell you to let them go once and for all in a symbolic farewell, but if not do what your Sparky says.
  1. Let go (touch your little finger) – This bit is purely symbolic but also kinda cool! All you do is imagine taking all those fearful beliefs you just said and all the fearful feelings you just expressed off Shady (I often imagine them in a bag – as in baggage!) and then see yourself hand them to Sparky. Then watch as Sparky throws them away (and see what they turn into it! It is usually something beautiful, which shows that good can always come from bad).

Shady let go, you let go and Sparky totally got rid of them. Now ask Sparky what to believe instead. Maybe Sparky already told you when you asked “What now?” If not, ask again, “What now?” For the worthless example the new belief would be something like, “I am worthy of everything loving and good.” Then if you like affirmations, write it down and say it over and over with a feeling of love and worthiness (which Sparky provides you with!)

Affirmations do work! And for maximum effect they work best if you release the fearful belief and feelings to make room for the new belief and loving feelings first! (Otherwise it takes ages for your subconscious to believe the affirmation. When you ditch the old belief first your subconscious is happy to believe the new belief!)

Okay I better go take my Pit Stop now so I can move forward!

I hope that helps my friend (and you!)

Love Kathy

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