I Love Shady!

Whales get it

The weirdest thing happened this morning. I was up on the headland watching the sun come up and I started my usual …

Feel my body being connected to the earth … wait until I feel the earth loving me and supporting me … then …

Think of someone I love and appreciate with all my heart … today it was ME!

That’s the start of the weird happening! It’s usually my husband and my sons I focus on, but today it was me …

“I love you” I said to myself and then all of a sudden I saw snippets from my entire life from being born to now (almost 44), seeing pictures of myself in my imagination at different points in my life – I felt really loved by myself! I kept saying to each vision, “I love you.”

Then when I got to present day me, the weird bit …

Shady (the fearful part of me – who I usually imagine as me at 9 or 10) says “What about me? Do you really love me? Look at all the horrible things I’ve done to make your life awful! How can you really love me?”

All of a sudden Shady starting burning up in flames and I’m like … “No! Shady don’t go, I love you, I love you, I really love you, come back.”

Then Sparky (the loving part of me that I  imagine to be me as an older woman who has already lived my dreams)  says, “Let her go.”

So I start sobbing uncontrollably (well I tried to control myself because I’m sitting on the end of the headland and I know the other 3 or 4 regulars that walk up there at sunrise – so okay – I’m controllably crying and turning around to check that no one is behind me) and decide, “Okay I know how important it is to be able to let things go so …  “Shady I love you BUT I let you go!”

Next Shady dissolves into a fiery ember and is totally gone … until in the exact same spot a NEW BABY GIRL appears lying there in Shady’s place … then I see scenes from my life starting with being a baby, then a toddler, then a kid, then a teenager and so on BUT I see the BAD stuff that has happened, the stuff I new Shady was ashamed of. I say to every image, “I love you Shady.”

Finally I’m back to me sitting on the headland with Sparky and Shady both in my imagination.

Shady (who now looks exactly like me – today – like looking in the mirror) says, “You really do love me don’t you?”

I answer “Yes! I do, I’m glad your back”

Shady says, “Me too, it’s going to be a lot different this time because – I trust you!”

Holy fuk! I start crying again with pure JOY! (still no regulars, I checked!)

Sparky (who is also me – mirror image of today) smiles and says, “Let’s do this! This will be fun!”

I WANT OUR KIDS to have this too!!

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