Shady is scared that we are not loved and important.
When Shady looks, he or she finds lots of evidence to prove that we are not loved and important.
Take having a little brother (or sister) for example:
“He (she) gets more attention than me. He (she) doesn’t have to do as many jobs as me. He (she) gets to do stuff with Dad (Mum) that I don’t get to do. He (she) gets to choose what treat we have to share. He (she) gets to stay up as late as me and he (she) is 3 years younger than me. He (she) gets to have second shower which means I have to be quick.”
No matter what we do as parents our kid’s Shady will find evidence that their sibling is more loved and more important than they are. You know exactly what I mean because little brothers or sisters have the exact same baggage about their big brother or sister being more loved and important than they are!
The solution is to help your child LOVE their Shady. After all everyone’s Shady is exactly the same – SCARED!
Listen to your child’s fears (without judging, getting them to see reason or trying to solve it for them – after all Shady is irrational!)
Ask them to tell you how they feel.
Tell them it is okay to express their feelings by being angry at first (bashing, yelling and swearing in their room are all okay as long as they don’t hurt themselves, others or stuff) and then being sad and scared (crying lets these go). And I mean a good cry – 20 minutes or so of full on sobbing with coughing, snot and curling up in the fetal position!
After that ask them to fill themselves up with Sparky’s love and to ask Sparky “Am I loved and important?”
I bet they get two big fat ‘YESES!’
Then miraculously see how much their relationship with their sibling improves!