A parent told me her son was using the ‘Pit Stop’ strategy I taught him in a workshop to yell, swear, scream and bash in his room almost every morning. She also mentioned that he was so ‘colourful’ with his language and so LOUD that she was worried about the neighbours. The process she said, seemed to help him straight afterwards (as in he calmed down a lot) but the way he continually teased and fought with his sister was worrying her.
This is a classic case of what happens when our kids ‘unleash’ their Shady!
Imagine you have a part of you that is scared you are not loved, scared you don’t belong, scared you have no purpose and scared you are all on your own. Let’s call this part of you ‘Shady’. Up until now you have tried very hard to hide this part of you. Then someone comes along and tells you that this part of you is important and that the secret is to LOVE SHADY and listen to him or her so Shady can learn to trust the loving part of you, ‘Sparky’.
Instantly your Shady tests if you (and others) really do love him or her unconditionally by being as nasty, as horrible and as mean as possible. If people (mums, dads and siblings) do NOT accept and love you when you behave like this then YOU decide it’s all a load of rubbish and you can’t love your Shady so you reject this part of yourself and put Shady back in hiding.
When mums, dads and siblings however, still love you and tell you they love you despite your behaviour (which incidentally they don’t like!) then maybe you will let Shady stay out and experiment a bit more with the idea of loving the worst part of you!
Imagine what happens to our kids when they learn to love the worse part of themselves! Hang in there – your gorgeous child is worth it!