Why it’s important to express our painful emotions

Last post I wrote about how we can rewire our brains simply by putting more Sparky thoughts in there.

I also wrote about how it is important to listen to Shady to get the fearful thoughts out of our subconscious and to replace them with Sparky thoughts.

I ended the post with a promise that I would gather some research on why expressing our feelings is important, so here we go…


I’m an absolute advocate for expressing our feelings. I do it everyday with all emotions, whatever comes up. Mostly I do this in private but sometimes not!

When I teach kids, parents and teachers to share, feel and express their emotions my Shady says, “They are not going to do it – they get it, but it’s too painful. They need proof that it works.” I know this is actually helpful, so here are three reasons why it is important to express our painful emotions…

  1. To HEAL ourselves so we are able to feel LOVING emotions

Grief is a natural and normal process that helps us heal, learn and grow from an experience of loss. If we allow ourselves to feel our painful emotions than we open ourselves up to feeling loving emotions too.

Loss can be defined as having less than we had before. It includes physical loss (death, divorce, separation, moving away or injury), mental loss (when you think you have less of something, for instance; time, money, power, freedom, ability), social loss (friendships, relationships), emotional loss (attention, love, importance, purpose) and spiritual loss (connection, belonging, love, purpose).

After my trifecta of loss around 22 – Mum died, I had a motorbike accident, and my first love relationship broke down, I researched loss and grief for about 7 years. During this time I learnt that admitting our feelings, sharing our feelings, talking about our feelings and expressing our feelings while allowing ourselves to be vulnerable was the best way to process grief. I have used the word ‘grief’ but aren’t all our painful feelings related to the loss of something?

By pure chance I also found that being willing to feel and express painful emotions also meant I had more access and connectedness to loving emotions.

Check out Brene Brown’s TED talk on Vulnerability cause she has totally got this nailed!


  1. To stay physically HEALTHY

When we repress our painful feelings we bottle them up inside us.

Quantum physics tells us that feelings are energy. When we bottle up painful feelings we store angry, sad, fearful, guilty, shameful, resentful, envious, and lots more painful energy inside our physical bodies.

This energy eventually makes our body sick.

Deepak Chopra is the king of energy, in this article he says that if you don’t release toxic energy it leads to disease.


Louise Hay, the Queen of Metaphysics (A branch of philosophy that studies the relationship between mind and matter) has a book that lists the physical ailments, the thought and emotion that caused it and the affirmation to heal it.


(This is actually the whole book ‘You can heal your life’ the ‘Heal you Body’ bit starts on page 145)

  1. To create a life we LOVE

Basically this is how we work…

We have all sorts of beliefs in our subconscious mind.

The most powerful beliefs in our subconscious are the one’s that have a strong emotional charge attached to them. These could be loving beliefs like, “I am loved no matter what.” Beliefs like this one would be accompanied by strong feelings of love, belonging and connectedness. Alternatively we may have fearful thoughts in our subconscious like, “I don’t matter.” Beliefs like this would be accompanied by strong feelings of worthlessness and sadness.

When we are not consciously aware or mindful of our thoughts, words and actions we drive around on autopilot. Neuroscientists suggest we do this 95% of the time. Here’s some more on that… https://www.brucelipton.com/blog/there-way-change-subconscious-patterns

When we drive around on autopilot we automatically go to the frequency of energy that is most compatible with the energy of the beliefs and feelings we have stored inside us. This is what the ‘Law of Attraction’ is really all about – like energy is attracted to like energy. Here’s some stuff on that… http://www.thelawofattraction.com

(You might need to dig a bit deeper than this and look up sites that discuss ‘why it doesn’t work’ too, because the subconscious beliefs and stored feelings is often overlooked as the energy that does the attracting – in other words you attract with your subconscious not your conscious!)

If we have loving thoughts and feelings stored inside us we go to the high road and have loving, happy, fulfilling experiences where we connect with loving and caring people. Alternatively if we have fearful thoughts and feelings stored inside us we go to the low road and have fearful, angry, sad, resentful, and shameful experiences and interact with unloving people. The middle road is in-between or a bit of both.

When we feel bad it’s a signal that we are on the low road. It could be a signal that our body needs something or a signal that we are thinking or believing (either consciously or subconsciously) something Shady. Let’s go with the Shady belief right now…

Once we realise we feel bad it is important to STOP to listen to Shady to find out what we believe in our subconscious. When we listen to Shady, say it out loud to someone we love and trust and/or write it down we are bringing it into our awareness where we can acknowledge that it isn’t helping us, that we don’t want that belief to come true and that it is time to let it go!

Okay so that gets rid of the belief (you then need to replace it with a Sparky belief and drill that one in to make it stick) but what about the ‘strong emotional charge’?

If you feel and express the painful feelings that accompanied the belief than they are gone too (better still if you can replace them with loving feelings to accompany Sparky’s new loving belief!) See here for more on this… http://www.primals.org/articles/wright.html

IF you refuse to feel and express your stored emotions than the repressed feelings stay and act as magnets that attract the thoughts and beliefs you just let go of straight back to you again!

To create a life you love it is important to get rid of the fearful Shady beliefs that are not helping you, express your fearful repressed feelings and then fill your subconscious mind with loving beliefs and loving emotions, instead!

When you do that you will attract more love, more loving experiences and more loving people into your life! YIPPEE!


That’s as simple as I can get it!

So – ‘Why is it important to express your painful feelings?’

  1. To HEAL ourselves so we are able to feel LOVING emotions
  2. To stay physically HEALTHY and
  3. To create a life we LOVE!

Done! Yippee!

(This post is late – sorry about that! It took me 4 days to write – during which time I took two Pit Stops to help me believe ‘I am worthy’ and that the stuff I teach is actually grounded in both experience and research! But that’s another post!)

Happy expressing your painful feelings!

Love Kathy

PS If you are totally into the research here are some other useful sites I found and a sentence on what they are about…



Quantum physics stuff about everything being energy.



The body-mind-emotion connection explained by Dr Jess.



Another doctor talking about the body-mind connection and the importance of expressing our feelings.



An article about Louise Hay’s metaphysical reasons for illness and an interesting comment on the Law of Attraction (this is what I referred to above about the subconscious being the source of the magnet not the conscious)!



(The background of The Law of Attraction from the apparent ‘original source’!)



An article by a journalist that basically says crying is good.



A doctor article saying crying is good, suppression is not!



How holding onto your emotions creates an energy wavelength that attracts the same type of energy back to you.



The importance of releasing repressed emotion so your body can flow.



Feel your anger.



Feel your feelings.



Feel your feelings or they get trapped in your body.



The history behind Primal Therapy and how Arthur Janov came up with the process.



The Hoffman process is totally into expressing your feelings and changing your subconscious beliefs from childhood.


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