This is the last article in a series of three on how our thoughts, feelings, words, actions and beliefs create our reality.
In the first post I explained how human beings have loving energy and fearful energy inside us and that our dominant energy puts us on the low road or the high road. When we are on the high road we feel great, find it easy to listen to Sparky and end up saying and doing Sparky things and run into other Sparky things because this is the energy we are tuned into.
When we are on the low road we feel bad, find it easy to believe Shady and end up saying and doing Shady things which result in us staying on the low road where bad stuff seems to happen to us.
In the second post I talked about ‘The Law of Attraction’ and how the energy inside us (from our thoughts, feelings, beliefs, words and actions) creates our reality. I pointed out that you get more of whatever you are focused on or think about because our thoughts start a sequence which directly affects the energy of our feelings, beliefs, words and actions. That is, if we have a Shady thought, and keep thinking it, we automatically feel bad, end up believing it (if we keep thinking it) and end up talking and acting as though it is true and it inevitably or eventually becomes true. This law can also be explained as “Like attracts like” – whatever energy you have inside you attracts more of the same energy to you.
In this article I am going to explain how parents’ beliefs about their kids come true for them and why this happens.
Firstly, our beliefs are stored in our subconscious mind (or boot of our car) and they include our fearful and loving beliefs about our kids.
Secondly, kids are incredibly connected to, switched on, or in tune with their parents’ beliefs about them and although kids may not be consciously aware of every single belief their parents have about them, they subconsciously know a lot more than we give them credit for.
Thirdly, our kids get their beliefs from us!
And finally, what we believe comes true for us! And what our kids believe comes true for them!
Let’s use a common example…
Mel believes her daughter Molly is anxious. Specifically, Mel believes Molly doesn’t like being separated from her and that Molly gets worried about things and worries even more when Mel isn’t there. Mel also believes Molly needs her to help her solve her problems.
Mels beliefs are absolutely true – Molly gets anxious and Molly does worry when her mum isn’t there and Molly does depend on her mum to help her cope with her problems.
How did Mel form these beliefs in the first place?
Perhaps Mel’s mum wasn’t there to help her with her worries when she was a girl. Maybe mum wasn’t physically there (working all the time), simply didn’t care or her mum made light of Mel’s worries, telling her, “Oh, don’t be silly, off you go, I don’t want to hear that nonsense, there is nothing to be worried about.” In this instance Mel may have decided way back when she was little that she was always going to be there for her daughter to help her with her worries.
Perhaps Mel had a traumatic experience in her life that she hasn’t fully processed and let go and to ensure the same thing or something else traumatic doesn’t happen to Molly, Mel has decided to be vigilant about Molly’s safety and solving Molly’s problems.
As a result of a or b or some other reason, Mel now has unhelpful Shady beliefs (baggage) in her subconscious or boot where her Shady believes something like; “My purpose is to keep my daughter alive and safe and to protect her”, “My daughter wouldn’t be able to cope without me.”
If a or b did happen, then Mel’s Shady is just trying to protect Molly and keep her safe. This is normal and human and understandable, but the problem is – What Mel believes about Molly comes true for Molly so these beliefs and Mel’s behaviour is actually hurting Molly, not helping her!
You may be asking, “Hang on a minute why does Mel’s belief that Molly is anxious come true? How does that work exactly?”
What we believe comes true for us because the energy we have inside us about a particular thing (either loving or fearful) attracts the exact thing we are loving or fearful about to us. This is The Law of Attraction, this is how the three roads work, this is how quantum science works – you can make something come to you in the real world because you have imagined it happening in the quantum field or infinite field of possibilities or your imagination so often that it ‘pops’ (or is attracted) into this world as reality.
Let me back track a little…
Molly believes what Mel believes. So what Molly believes comes true for her and what Mel believes comes true for her. Molly got her belief that she was anxious from Mel. How? When children are aged 0 – 7 their brains are in delta and theta wavelengths, this means that everything they hear, see and experience in their life becomes the ‘truth’ about themselves, other people and life. Molly has had 7 years of Mel thinking, saying and acting in a way that has led Molly to believe that she needs her mum to help her cope with problems. Molly has learnt to believe, “I am not safe without mum.” “I need mum with me all the time.” “I can’t solve problems without mum.”
Another way to explain why what we believe comes true for us is to look at the sequence of events as explained by Mahatma Gandhi. The logic of it is undeniable –
Your beliefs become your thoughts,
(Mel thinks – ‘I need to be there for Molly so she doesn’t worry’)
Your thoughts become your words,
(Mel says things like – ‘Molly stay here with me where I can help you.’)
Your words become your actions,
(Mel doesn’t let Molly go places without her)
Your actions become your habits,
(Mel and Molly stay together as much as possible)
Your habits become your values,
(Molly values Mel as her protector)
Your values become your destiny.
(Molly needs her mum to protect her)
Another way to explain it is that the fearful energy inside Mel and Molly puts them both on the low road when Molly is not with Mel. The fear they are both holding inside them attracts more fear to them which turns into real experiences in life that cause worry for Molly, like: problems with friendships, things going wrong, conflicts with teachers, etc.
These bad events actually happen to all kids (they are part of life) but other kids and parents who have Sparky beliefs like, “I can solve my own problems” and “My child can solve their own problems” don’t keep focusing on what went wrong, it was just a “once off” or “little problem that got solved.” Mel and Molly however, continually focus on what went wrong and continually think, “I can’t solve problems without mum” and “Molly needs me to help her solve her problems”. The Reticular Activating System is responsible for this continued focus on what went wrong because it is the gatekeeper between the conscious and subconscious mind and its job is to point out and remind us of events that prove that what we believe is true!
Let’s give Mel and Molly a break and talk about other beliefs parents have about their kids that end up coming true, some I’ve witnessed include: my child has anger issues, my child always lies, my child is lazy, my child is scared of the dark, my child can’t read or write at his or her age level, my child is a whinger, my child is always the one who gets bullied, my child doesn’t have any good friends, and the list goes on.
Shady beliefs I’ve had in the past about my boys include; my son is lazy, my son is rude, my son always gets in trouble, my son can’t read, my son can’t control himself, my son has bad manners, my son always gets hurt, my son is ungrateful. (I don’t have these anymore!)
What are your Shady beliefs about your son or daughter? Do you want these to stay true (if they already are true) or become true?
To get rid of your own baggage or unhelpful Shady beliefs about your child you need to take a Pit Stop and let go of your unhelpful belief and replace it with a Sparky belief that will empower your child! Even if your Shady belief is already true in reality – you can change reality by changing your belief and imagining the new belief to be true in the quantum field (your imagination) and then you can bring it into the real world by thinking, saying and behaving as though it is true. If you keep going, if you stick at it, you will change reality because that’s how The Law of Attraction works, that’s how the three roads work, that’s how the quantum field works and that’s how beliefs turn into thoughts, thoughts turn into words, words turn into actions, actions turn into habits, habits turn into values, and finally values turn into our child’s destiny!
What would happen to your child’s destiny if you believed only Sparky things about them? Mmmmm.
PS Keep in mind that regardless of what we believe about our kids and what they believe about themselves, a small amount (who knows the percentage?) of things that happen to our children have nothing to do with their beliefs or our beliefs. These ‘bad events’ or ‘good events’ are simply bad luck, good luck or destiny. Purist ‘Law of Attraction’ followers would argue that everything is created by our thoughts, but my estimate would be 95% our creation and 5% not, that’s a random guess – what’s your guess?